Mr Moreau
by MissAlisterCroft
Summary: Why does Shepard call Joker 'Jeff' It could be fun to find out.
1. Chapter 1

Due to a wonderful friend prompting me to play this awesome series.. I quickly became a die hard fan.. and as I'm sure many have: of Joker. Just a heads up. I find it very difficult to Ship Joker with anyone else so.. all my ramblings probably will be an exclusive Shoker Ship. I don't know. I'm open to other characters too.. I'm thinking: Vega, Mordin, Thane, Kolyat. Y'know.. all the Romance options you wish you had but didn't? :) Joker included.. This is probably going to end up my naughty little sounding board.

Disclaimer: BioWare own all respective property within: characters etc.. I just like playing with them :) I make not a single cent, nor dime from this little foray into Fan Fiction.. my only pay is reviews :)

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Special Note: I dedicate this to Bo Baina :) My Purple Pony who will always be Prancing Under a Palm Treez :) I hope its good :) I really hope you like it! :)

'Shepard, why do you always call me Jeff?'

'Well, .. ' She thought about that for a moment before responding.

'I could call you Mister Moreau, like Edi,'

He made eye contact with her at that.

She grinned.

'But then you might get a hard on every time I talked to you.'

'Hey, Shepard.' He raised his hand in front of his face and extended his middle finger to her. Shooting her a look that clearly said 'Fuck-off'. He wasn't in the best mood.

She merely chuckled and looked at him. Putting on her best 'come-hither' look she locked eyes with him. Deciding to use his own motion against him.

'Maybe if your nice.' she purred.

His hand immediately dropped.

'And only if you promise to bite.'

..

Was she being serious?

Vega and Garrus apparently thought so because they took in the situation for only a moment before exchanging a worried glance and proceeding to make a hasty retreat to the workout room doors.

Leaving Shepard and Joker completely alone.

Shepard's gaze hadn't left Joker's during all this.

'Well?' She prompted.

_Well, what?_

'I – uh.. I'

Joker? At a _loss_ for words.. this was new.

All the times he'd made fun of Legion, mocking him behind his back as he handed over valuable intel about the Geth. Shepard had quickly gotten on his case about that.

All the times he'd bothered Garrus with degrading jokes concerning Turians, even a joke about himself.

All the times he'd quipped to her over the comm about their situations.. normally nothing helpful either. Mostly that he was bored or how he wished they could visit a fuzzy planet.

All the times he'd commented on members of the crew, making his opinion well known on each and every resident aboard the Normandy.

For all of that he had a retort.. for this, nothing. Unbelievable.

Shepard abandoned her spot by the wall, choosing instead to saunter toward said Pilot and make him as uncomfortable as she could.

'Well, Jeff.. ' she mused as she came closer.

'Are you up for it or not?'

It was clear as day now. She was serious, and she was interested.

'Are you sure you could even handle me?'

_Oh great, genius. Where'd that come from?_ He wondered internally.

'I think.. ' Shepard drawled as she positioned herself right in front of him. Looking him square in the eyes. 'I could handle you just as well as you handle the Normandy, Fly Boy.. '

He gulped. He was sure she heard and saw it based on her next words..

'In fact.. ' She leaned forward so close their mouths were almost touching before shifting so she was just beside his ear 'I think I could handle you _while_ you handle the Normandy..'

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Ah! There you have it :) My first Mass Effect attempt.. now.. I expect to hear from Shoker fans telling me if I should continue this little one shot :P Hopefully I'll be better at the smut stuff by then. :) I've gotta work on getting Joker Dialogue too.. I can't believe I put the filthy mouth on Shep and not Joker.. What is the world coming to when the Commander hits on her subordinates? :) I tell you.. its sexy :)


	2. Chapter 2

Yay! People love sassy Shep! This is good :) I'm Hoping I can get my head into gear with some Joker retorts.. like I said in a review.. it's hard to write Joker lines that aren't too crass or.. anything else unwanted. I hope I'm doing it all justice.. I said it in another AN on my other story: If you want a continuing story or jump around one shots that will at best, vaguely, resemble a plot.. you'll have to let me know on reviews for the second chapter. Working it all out is a little tough. One-shots come to me more frequently than a true story does. I don't know why that's just the way my head works.. if I have to think out a story I need MASS amounts of Paper, Diagrams, Feedback and lots of In-Depth Dialogue Research. This scene was kinda inspired when you walk into the cockpit and Joker is very obviously listening to.. y'know :) This is how it would have went if I had my way.

One moment of your much appreciated time.. I have another story I've begun work on for Watch Dogs. Any interested can PM me. Until FanFic gets a category up I can't do much with it. Except write chapters like a fiend until they do. I'll only send it to a few. No sense in ruining it for everyone, right?

'Mr. Moreau?' Edi prompted

'Hm..' He didn't bother to look up from the place his eyes were firmly fixed on the floor.

'You seem distracted.' It was meant to be a question but it felt more like a statement. He hated how perceptive she was sometimes.

'I'm fine, Edi.' Joker responded blandly. He didn't need her poking her nose into his business at the moment. He wasn't even sure he understood it all.

He absentmindedly began pushing at buttons on the console in a vain attempt to look preoccupied. For whom, he didn't know. Edi was bound to know what he was doing was pointless. She knew all task that needed to be done. Punching random buttons was not one of them.

The AI seemed in some way to take the hint and didn't say anything more.

Although, truth be told, he was more than a little distracted. How could he not be? His CO had hit on him less than Twenty-Four hours ago. Had she? God, this was why it was so distracting. He couldn't bring himself to ask her and he couldn't figure it out of his own. Maybe Edi could provide some assistance.

'Edi?' he began, already regretful.

'Yes, Jeff?'

'If.. ' did he really want to do this? Yes. 'If you have a chance to.. be with someone you never thought you'd be able to.. would you do it?'

'I am with the crew all he time Mr. Moreau. I am not sure I understand your inquiry.'

'How are you with us?' he questioned.

'The Avatar platform that performs around the Normandy. Previously I would have been unable to accompany any of you, now that I have access to a functioning body I can enjoy all the benefits humans do. I am with you constantly.'

'Not exactly what I was going for, Edi..'

'Could you please clarify, Mr. Moreau?'

'I mean- ..'

_Oh how to say this.. _

'I mean relationships.. relations.. connecting with someone?'

'You are asking for my opinion on you engaging a relationship with Commander Shepard based on her inquiry to you the other night.

He felt the heat creep onto his face as his head tipped down. 'Yes.' he mumbled.

The AI paused momentarily before replying with her answer.

'I am not sure I am entirely comfortable with this conversation, Jeff. However, I think I may be able to provide you with some assistance on the information front.'

Joker only had a moments peace before the sounds of heavy panting and moaning filled the air in the room.

The sound of someone clearing their throat behind his chair caused him to spring forward hitting whatever keys were within reach in attempt to shut off the noises erupting from the console speakers.

Finally hitting the right one he sighed in relief. The relief was short lived however as he realized whoever had cleared their throat was still behind him.

'How do you do that, Edi?'

'Do what, Jeff?'

'Time everything so its inconvenient..' he spat out venomously.

His chair turned to revealed to him the face of his very amused Commander.

_Oh, for the love of.. just.. wonderful.. _

'Was it my using the name 'Mr. Moreau' that has you upset or my advice on your pursuit of a relationship that has you upset?'

_Dammit, now I know she's doing this on purpose.. _

It was obvious to both of them that the AI knew what had transpired between them was in the middle of teasing them. Was that right? Could an AI tease? Well, this one was certainly trying. Then again. Edi had never been conventional.

It was crystal clear now. Shepard had figured out why Joker was hesitant to come talk to her after the incident in the gym. Had she really put him out that much?

'Can we have some privacy, Edi?' He finally broke the silence.

'Of course, Jeff.' The AI responded. If it was possible for an AI to sound smug, he was sure that was what he'd describe her current tone as.

The front hatch doors closed.

Shepard looked behind herself briefly before shooting the Pilot a confused sidelong glance. His eyes immediately dropped to the floor, too humiliated to look her.

'Again, .. not what I meant, Edi..' he sighed and closed his eyes trying desperately to curb his tongue.

_I meant you get out.._

Shepard seemed to intuitively pick up on his true meaning.

'Edi, can you please give us the room?'

'Of course, Shepard. Please notify me if I may be of assistance to you. Logging you out.'

Finally, she was gone.

When Joker looked up to the Commander he couldn't help the _how_-_did_-_you_-_do_-_that_ look plastered all over his features.

'She came with a manual.' Shepard smiled and shrugged.

'Yeah, I'll .. have to get to work on that.' he suggested. He didn't really know what else to say.

'Y'know, .. I like the way she processes things though.' Shepard stated motioning to the locked doors behind her.

He smiled. 'Yeah, I guess in her own way she is pretty helpful.'

Although Shepard would have preferred to continue flirting she'd have to get around to why she came down here at some point or another.

'So you needed reference material to figure out what to say to me?' she said softly. Using any type of tone might have frightened him. She didn't want that.

'Well, .. honestly, yes. You threw me for a total loop there, Shepard. I mean, don't get me wrong. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it ever since.'

She looked up.

He swallowed nervously at her eyes meeting his.

'I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to.' he thought carefully for a moment

_I'd be a total wad if I passed up on it too.. _

He finally gathered the courage to speak 'Why me?'

She blinked. 'Why you – what?' she queried back.

'Why me as- ..'

_Oh god, might as well just say it.. then its out in the open.._

'Why do you want to sleep with me? It wouldn't be easy.'

Shepard broke out into a fit of laughter.

Joker frowned. Not the type of respond he'd expected, but okay.

'Oh, Jeff, .. you are anything but easy. If anything you'd probably be the hardest guy to get into bed.' She smirked as he recognized the own implications in his words.

She was right. He'd always used Vroliks as a barrier for keeping people away who wanted to go to bed with him. It wasn't that he wanted to.

'Besides, ..' she spoke again, causing him to look up at the exact moment her palms landed softly on the arm rests of his chair as she leaned forward. 'I'm up for a challenge.' she purred.

The heat returned to his cheeks at the realization of how _close_ she was to him.

She seemed to realize this too and took great advantage of it.

Leaning closer to his face she smirked as he watched her move closer and closer. Either too scared to move, or really wanting it to happen.

The moment her lips touched his everything stopped. His mind, his heart. Everything. It was everything he had ever thought it would be.

When she finally pulled away he almost whined. He restrained himself just in time. Best not to embarrass further today.

'As much as I'd love to continue this, ..' she punctuated the momentary end of the sentence by letting her fingertips trail lightly against his forearm causing him to shiver involuntarily. She smiled before continuing 'The real reason I came here was to ask you if you wanted to come dancing with us?'

It took him a moment to regain conscious thought to absorb what she'd said.

'W-what?' he stuttered out. He'd have followed her anywhere at that point.

Shepard smirked at his flustered state. 'Dancing. The Crew. Purgatory. Drinks. Do you want to come?'

She started to pull back, hopefully encouraging him to follow.

It was only when she moved back did he finally notice her attire.

_Oh God.._

She was wearing a skin tight, small little black dress that showed off _every_ mouth watering curve on her lithe body. Not to mention the ample cleavage it also succeeded in flaunting. She wore black open toed shoes that didn't look too uncomfortable to walk or dance in.

His eyes drifted to her face.

_Oh god, Oh god.._ y_ou are __**perfect**__, Shepard.._

Her eyes shone bright. Eyeliner accenting her blue eyes perfectly. They were piercing. He was sure she could see into his very soul with those eyes.

Her hair hung in loosely styled waves that cascaded about her shoulders. It was a fountain of black satin.

She smiled at him. Silently trying to figure how to break him out of his observation without seeming impatient.

'Well c'mon, .. let's go Helmsman.' She stated holding out her hand to him.

He accepted. No question.

Next Chapter: Shepard can't dance with him, who said she couldn't dance _for _him? :) It may take me a while to update.. I gotta watch some movies with seductive dancing and see if I can't find some words to express it :) Then maybe.. I'm thinking about.. urgh.. I can't think of where I want to send them.. maybe if the dancing chapter works out good enough I'll have her _handle_ the helmsman finally? Oh boy.. that might take a while for me to choke out. Be patient. I'll try write quick updates. Sometimes I get stuck. Rest assured it will show up!


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Okay, so I've been REALLY quiet here for a while and I'm deeply sorry about that. Two other games have recently taken over my interest and I don't want to burn out on them so I'm going to take a break and go make to my ME fiction here. I've got some ideas and their small, but I'm hoping they will appease the people here. If their not enough, bark at me until I give you guys more attention :P Honestly? Don't be shy. I often need to receive a firm kick to get moving.

– – Page Break – –

The Club was loud. Too loud. With all these Cerberus implants and the modified hearing power they delivered it was a wonder Shepard's ear drums hadn't shattered yet. If the music annoyed her before it was enough to drive her absolutely insane now.

'Have clubs always been this annoying?' she asked to Vega who was seated near her.

He bopped happily in his hair next to her as the beat of the music picked up in pace 'What are you talking about, Lola? This place is where it's at!'

Shepard shook her head and raised the blue tinted drink she'd order to her mouth for a small sip. She didn't know why she'd bothered to ask James anything. He was still young and in that 'Club's are so rocking' phase.

Scanning her eyes over the room she eventually located Joker. She hadn't spent much time with him and decided it was time to wander over and say hi.

But she wouldn't do it in the conventional sense.

Oh no, Shepard was anything but regular.

A smile set itself firmly on her face as she rose from her perch on the bar stool and made some polite excuse with Vega for departing.

She sauntered her way through the writhing mass of bodies till she encountered Tali dancing alone on the floor.

Suddenly an idea struck her. She could have fun with this.

'Hey Liara.' Shepard greeted her comrade.

'Hello Shepard.' she responded 'What brings you to the dance floor this evening?' she asked. The Commander didn't usually dance. Not without being made fun of at least.

'A little fun.'

Liara turned to face the Commander a little more 'Oh? Do tell.'

'How would you feel about killing two birds with one stone?' she answer the Asari.

'Absolutely horrible.'

Shepard closed her eyes for a moment and smiled before opening them and resuming her conversation.

'No, no. I mean..' she leaned closer to the blue skinned woman 'How would you feel about putting on a display out here for Joker and Kaidan.'

Liara leaned back. She was sure she was sporting a grin a mile wide.

'Absolutely fine, Shepard.' she reached out and pulled the Commander so she was cinched up close to her body as she moved in tune with the beat.

'Got any idea's on how to get their attention to start with?' she noted as they observed the men at the bar not paying any attention to what was going on with the dance floor.

Shepard wet her lips and let out a piercing whistle that could be heard clearly above the music.

Startled, Kaidan and Joker spun around to locate the noise. When they finally locked eyes on Shepard and Liara they gave a small wave before they realized what was going on.

Jaws dropped as Shepard and Liara ground and writhed against each-other, doing her best to maintain eye contact with the Pilot, Shepard spun around so her back was pressed to Liara's front.

Liara took the hint and adjusted her hands to run down Shepard's sides and land on her hips as they gyrated so the music.

Shepard in turn lifted her hands to skim along the front of her body languidly as they traveled up her chest, across her collarbone and into her hair before sliding to run across the Asari's cheek.

The boys were absolutely awestruck, neither of them knew what to say as Shepard's head inclined so that her and Liara's lip almost touched. Before the action completed Liara's hand slid down Shepard's chest and played with the fabric at the side of her hip slowly trailing along the front, deliberately visually teasing them.

Shepard's and Liara continued bumping noses as they made like they were about kiss for a while before turning their attention back to the bar to the stunned faces of two male Officer's.

'I think we got their attention now..' Liara whispered in Shepard's ear 'What should we do with it?'

Shepard grinned. She had plans.

– – Page Break – –

Next Chapter to immediately follow. I liked the scene when they all comment on how Shepard's dancing sucks and Tali's actually looks pretty cool. So.. this is where I got inspired. I might need to work on my idea of dirty dancing but, I tried. That's what reviews are for, right? To let you know where you are at. HAHA, funny thing? I was going to have the girls almost kissed but then I realized Tali wears an enviro-suit and that would NOT happen so I had to abandon my idea there briefly. So.. I had to change it to Liara and I couldn't think of a romance option for her other than Kaidan. Sorry my head was elsewhere when I wrote this. Like I said: It's short. I wasn't sure where to go and I didn't want to leave this story alone for too long.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Yup. Here is the next scene. I've often wondered these questions myself so I incorporated them here.

– – Page Break – –

It didn't take him long to locate Shepard. She often liked her privacy and knew all the best hiding spots on the Normandy. However, Joker also knew all of them. It was his Ship after all, and what kind of Pilot would he be if he didn't know every nook and cranny she had to offer?

That night Shepard was on the observation deck. Sitting alone in the dark, sipping a bottle of water.

'So do you often brood here?' Joker announced himself as he came into the room.

Shepard looked over at him and smiled 'Yep, nice place I like to come through and think about the great problems of the world.' she retorted playfully.

'Oh yeah?' he mused as he lowered himself gently down onto the couch next to her 'Like?'

'Well..' she started as she looked back out the Observation Window toward the Artificial Sun on the Citadel 'you know how magnets loose their power when they get hot, right?'

He nodded.

'Well, then how come Sun's are magnetic?' she queried as she looked back at him.

He sat there in complete silence. He couldn't think of an answer.

He noticed that it had been quiet for a good few moments and that Shepard was starting to give him a funny look.

He needed to save face quick.

'Well..' he coughed and used his hands to demonstrate a dramatic wide gesture 'I don't trouble myself with trivial things like that.'

She laughed 'Oh yeah? Tell me, Mr. Moreau.. what do you think is one of the great mysteries of the Universe?'

He smiled 'Don't you ever wonder how James Bond never had a Bastard Child or an STD in his entire career as a spy?'

That made Shepard laugh.

'Truthfully, I'd never given it a thought but, now that you mention it. That is a good question isn't it.'

'Yeah, I mean. Q gave him all these useful gadgets but it's not like he ever provided him with safe sex tips or modified condoms.' Joker continued with his rant about various inaccuracies in assorted movies before he finally got the confidence to broach the topic that had been bothering him since earlier in the night.

'That was.. quite a display at the Club..' he interjected.

Shepard looked over at him 'Complaint?'

His head shot up as he gave her a perturbed look 'Are you kidding?! It was fantas – ' he quickly curbed his enthusiasm 'I mean.. it was pretty entertaining and all..' he tried to shrug it off casually but it didn't fly by so easy with Shepard.

She let her head tilt to the side as she placed the Water Bottle on the arm of the couch and turned to face him fully.

'Why, Jeff, are you trying to tell me you _liked_ what I did down there?' she purred as she slid closer to him.

His heart rate had increased exponentially 'Y – Yes..' he bit out carefully.

'So then you're telling me..' she threw a leg carefully over his lap and adjusted herself so she was eye level with him 'If I was to continue that little show here, you'd be.. happy?'

She knew damned well he would have been over the Moon. But he didn't mind her teasing.

'Hell yes..' he replied huskily as she shifted her waist so she lightly brushed against the hardening bulge in his pants.

'That's good..' she replied as she peeked at him through under her eyelashes, shooting him a seductive and coy look 'I like making you happy..'

– – Page Break – –

How am I doing? I'll be back Monday. Hopefully reviews will have come in over the weekend :)


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